Anonymouth's CrazyAss Present
by eyepatchesandpipes
Summary: I wanted to put it under the genres 'Romance' and 'WTF' but they didn't have that. Well, the title says it all; a weird pairing request for anonymouth. Femmeslash, people, and damn strange femmeslash at that. T to be safe


_**A/N:**_** Eh… Well, anonymouth won my Absurd Pairing competition with a brilliant Giant Squid/Hermione fic which I suggest you read. As a prize, she requested this pairing. I'm just grateful she didn't request an M rated story… bleck!**

**Here you have it… Narcissa Malfoy/Petunia Dursley… **

Narcissa sat in a small muggle café in the middle of London wearing muggle clothing. Designer, of course – she wouldn't be seen dead wearing anything other. If she had to wear muggle clothing at all it would only be the best.

The reason she was sat drinking a coffee in this stinking hole called 'Costa'? No-one knew her. If she was in a muggle environment she may still stick out like a sore thumb due to her stunning good looks, courtesy of her Black heritage, and her classy clothing - but she was not known.

She wasn't Narcissa Malfoy, wife and mother of Death Eaters, sister of the most cruel and notorious woman that had walked the Earth. She was not one of the three Black sisters, she was not a pureblood. Here, she wasn't even a witch. This was what Narcissa craved – anonymity.

So, as the clock was heading towards noon and the café was filling with hungry muggles, Narcissa sat in her small corner of the little building and stared out of the window.

A throat was cleared to her left and she pursed her lips, hoping it wasn't another disgusting male muggle that wished to speak with her. Reluctantly, Narcissa turned her head and gazed up at a woman standing before her. She was a thin, blonde-haired woman with an extraordinarily long neck and stood clutching a cup.

Narcissa raised an eyebrow at the woman who pursed her own lips, giving her the appearance of a horse. Had Narcissa been born to another family she would have snorted, but thanks to her upbringing she kept her face impassive.

"Hello." The woman greeted, her voice holding a certain amount of disdain and Narcissa felt irritation flash through her, "All of the other tables are full and I was wondering if I could sit here?"

Narcissa waved her left hand as a sign of approval before turning her head to look back out the window. She was aware of a chair being pulled back as the blonde woman sat at her table but she didn't react.

The woman cleared her throat again and Narcissa sighed slightly. She gazed into familiar almond-shaped emerald eyes and wondered where she'd seen them before.

"My name's Petunia. Petunia Dursley." The blond woman, Petunia, offered. Narcissa gazed at her for a moment, vaguely aware that she had wrinkled her nose in disgust at such a name. However, basic manners forced her to reply.

"Narcissa Malfoy," her voice sounded hoarse even to her own ears and she reached for her drink. Those emerald eyes stared back at her, irritating her to no end.

"What a peculiar name," the woman commented, sniffing as though she were above Narcissa. Her face changed for a moment as she voiced a question, "You're… you're not one of _them,_ are you?"

Narcissa raised an eyebrow, "Them?"

Petunia's expression changed back and she shook her head, as though dispelling the thought. "Nothing, nothing at all. It just seems that lots of them have strange names…"

Petunia trailed off, gazing out of the window at the passer-by's. Narcissa continued to watch the odd woman who was lost in her thoughts. She opened her mouth to say something – although, she wasn't entirely sure what she had intended to say - when Petunia turned back to look at her.

"Of course, Dursley isn't a name that you would define as normal, is it? Not my maiden name, of course, but my husbands." Petunia waved her hand dismissively and for the first time Narcissa noticed the gold band adorning her ring finger.

"I assume that Malfoy isn't your maiden name, either?" Petunia questioned and Narcissa vaguely wondered is the woman could speak of nothing other than names.

She shook her head and replied, "No, it's Black. Narcissa Black – my sisters were Bellatrix and Andromeda."

Petunia pursed her lips and muttered to herself, "That awful boy who rode the motorcycle, his surname was Black. Lily didn't seem to like him either."

Narcissa felt curiosity bubbling up in her… a boy whose last name was Black and who rode a motorcycle. It couldn't possibly be her estranged cousin, could it? And Lily…

Narcissa gazed back into those emerald eyes and felt the memories jolt her. This woman, Petunia, had Lily Evans' eyes. Narcissa gently cleared her throat before speaking, "What did you say your maiden name was?"

"Evans." Petunia answered absentmindedly, jumping as Narcissa abruptly stood up.

"Come with me." The blonde witch commanded, walking away from the table. Petunia didn't know why, but she stood up and followed the elegant woman out of the coffee shop.

**00000**

Narcissa set a brisk pace, vaguely aware of the sound of Petunia's footsteps following her. All she could think was that this was Lily's sister – _her_ Lily's sister.

The bubbly Gryffindor with the fiery hair to match her personality, with emerald-green eyes that could sooth and calm her. It was the sister of the woman who had stolen Narcissa's heart in Hogwarts and had started a forbidden relationship – forbidden not only because they were both women but also due to their opposing houses and blood status.

And yet, all that Narcissa could think was _do they kiss the same?_

For a heart-stopping moment, she could understand how it felt to be Severus. He could never bring himself to hate Potter because of Lily's eyes. Narcissa couldn't bring herself to be disgusted by the thought of kissing Petunia because of Lily's eyes.

Narcissa stopped in a deserted street, turning and watching as Petunia caught up with her.

The blonde woman stood before her, catching her breath and glaring at her with wide eyes.

Narcissa leant in; capturing her lips and feeling the shock resonate throughout the older woman. She ran her tongue along Petunia's bottom lip and felt Petunia willingly open her mouth. She explored Petunia's mouth thoroughly before pulling back.

She daintily wiped her lips and cocked her head.

"You taste like cinnamon instead of cherries; you have teeth that resemble that of a horse instead of perfectly straight one. You allow me to take control of the kiss despite regaining from the shock quicker, whereas she stood there for a full minute before slamming me into a wall," Narcissa commented and watched the emotions playing across Petunia's face, "She was also a lot more… handy, than you. Her temper showed in her kiss while you keep your waspish personality hidden."

"And who, dare I ask, are you comparing me to?" Petunia asked irritably as she crossed her arms.

Narcissa smirked, "Your sister, Lily, of course." She laughed at the look of shock and surprise on Petunia's face before she leant into to kiss the woman one more time before apparating.

It took Petunia a moment to get over the shock that she had just cheated on her husband with a witch that used to date her dead younger sister, but when she did she suddenly realised that she had no idea where she was.

_**A/N:**_** (dissolves into a pile of emotionally strained goop) I don't know how I managed to write that… still, I'd appreciate any thoughts. At least it's the only story in this category. Please, PLEASE keep it that way!**


End file.
